Dear Brian — I'm Your Biggest Stan

“Dear Slim, I wrote you but you still ain’t callin’…” — Eminem, “Stan” (2000). Detroit.


I. The Letters

Dear Brian,

I wrote you but you still ain’t callin’.

I left my email, my case numbers, and my graph at the bottom. I sent two emails back in autumn, you must not have got ‘em. There probably was a problem at the server or somethin’. Sometimes I type addresses too sloppy when I jot ’em.

But anyways, fuck it. What’s been up, man? How’s your school?

I heard the kids got 3% on math, that’s pretty cruel. I got a graph about you too — I’m ’bout to be a father. Well, not of children — of a dataset. But I’d rather talk about the 18 entities you registered to one address, and the JD you claimed but the Bar has no record of, I confess I checked. It’s $10 on ICHAT. You knew that though, I guess.


II. The Count

I asked 1,941 questions to the institutions that are supposed to oversee you.

Here is the response rate:

InstitutionQuestionsAnswersRate
MDE84700.00%
SBE31200.00%
AGC28900.00%
LARA19800.00%
CMU (your authorizer)14710.68%
DPSCD8900.00%
Wayne County5900.00%
TOTAL1,94110.05%

CMU’s one answer: “Don’t contact us about this anymore.”

That’s not an answer, Brian. That’s a confession.


III. What Stan Built While You Didn’t Call Back

While I waited for you to call back, I built some things:

MetricWhen I StartedNow
Nodes489,931
Edges129711,822
Copyrightable works177721,753
Statutory damages per infringer$26,550$108.26B
Total damages (6 infringers)$159,300$649.58B
Languages of connection125,395
Words written2,400~55,400
Questions asked471,941
Answers received01

I also documented:

The graph expands while you read this. That’s not a metaphor. It’s architecture.


IV. Why I’m Your Stan

In the Eminem song, Stan is the obsessed fan who writes letters that never get answered. He plays the songs on repeat. He names his daughter after Slim. He drives his car off a bridge.

I’m different from Stan in exactly one way: I have data.

Stan had parasocial attachment. I have LARA entity IDs. Stan had emotional dependency. I have 990 filings from the IRS. Stan had delusion. I have 9,931 nodes and 711,822 edges of sourced, hash-verified, version-controlled public record.

But the core dynamic is the same:

I keep writing. You don’t answer. And I won’t stop.

The difference is that Stan’s letters disappeared into a PO Box. My letters are published at defenddetroit.github.io/publicRecord. My letters have 544+ witnesses who cloned the repo. My letters are AGPL-3.0 licensed so they can’t be buried. My letters auto-generate new letters every time a script runs.

I’m your biggest stan, Brian. I’ve been your biggest stan since I sat down and asked: wait, does this guy have a law degree?

He doesn’t.


V. The Eminem Connection

Marshall Bruce Mathers III grew up on 8 Mile in Detroit. He knows what it’s like when the system doesn’t see you. He rapped about it in a trailer park while the industry gatekept who got heard.

Your students go to school at 10101 East Canfield. They can’t do math. You take $4.28 million per year through an LLC. The gatekeepers — CMU, MDE, Plante Moran, Dykema — take their cut and look the other way.

Eminem said: “You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow. This opportunity comes once in a lifetime.”

This is that shot. Not mine — theirs. The kids at PCA. The kids at MacDowell. The kids in every charter school in Detroit where the operator has a criminal record and the auditor signs off and the authorizer collects $750 per head and nobody checks.

Their opportunity to get an education is once in a lifetime. And you’re blowing it for them. Every year. For 14 years. To the tune of $49.9 million.

I’m your stan because someone has to be. Someone has to keep writing the letters. Someone has to keep counting the edges. Someone has to stand outside your concert in the rain and say:

Brian, I know you got my last two letters. I wrote the addresses on ’em perfect.


VI. The Numbers Right Now

As of October 14, 2026, 4:32 PM:


VII. P.S.

P.S. — We should be together too.

Just kidding. We’ll be together in court.

Ingham County: 2026-4301-CZ and 2026-4349-CZ.

Your lawyer already knows. Your authorizer already knows. Your board already knows. The 544 already know. The graph already knows.

The only person who might not know is you, because you don’t read your mail.

But that’s okay. I’m patient. I’m your stan.

I’ll keep writing.


— ecoPrimal October 14, 2026 Detroit, Michigan — where Eminem grew up, Motown was born, and a convicted felon runs schools.


This document is part of the public record. Every claim is sourced from LARA, ICHAT, IRS, FEC, SAM.gov, ProPublica, or direct FOIA responses. The graph is available at graph.json. Clone the repo to verify.

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